Epic Fail

It was catchy and cute for a while, but let's put it to rest now. The other day I saw an EPC FAIL vanity license plate, clearly the fifth or perhaps sixth sign of the lexicon apocalypse.

In the Real World

"...in the Real World..."

As in "Well that's all very nice, academic theory, but in the Real World..."
or "Once I got out of college, and went into the Real World..."

Who are you? Neo, from The Matrix?  There is nothing except the real world.  Wake up! You're standing on my foot (in the virtual world).

Did Something Just Like

"Back in the 70's, we did something just like Agile."

Yep.  And during that same time, I did something just like college, only without the degree, or the freedom of choice, or the drinking, or the sex, or the cold and snow. (High School.)

There are tons of similar things, activities, and ideas in life.  But "did something just like" always feels like defensive self-certification. It also belittles the cohesiveness of the topic, or the difficulty in achieving or obtaining the thing, activity, or idea.

So, relax:  Not everyone can be an expert on everything. What are you exceptionally talented at? Let's talk about that.  I promise I'll try very hard not to say "Oh, yeah! I did something just like that last week!"

Bringing My A Game

See "I came here to win".

The implication is that attempting to win in a competition is the unusual case.  Do people bring their B games?  No one seems to say so, let alone their C, D, or F games.  It is the thing the athlete says when confronted by the microphone with no actual idea to impart.

Of late, this seems to be particularly egregious on cooking competitions a la "Chopped" on the Food Network.

Beyond X

People in the past few years have taken to using "beyond" as a superlative.  "That girl is beyond beautiful" to mean "extremely beautiful."  Beyond does not mean more-than.  It means on the other side of, or farther than.

Recently, on NPR of all places, a commentator described someone's politics as "beyond San Francisco" to mean "extremely liberal" (or, at least, more liberal than San Francisco).  I'm sorry, beyond San Francisco is the pacific ocean, not more San Francisco-ish-ness.

"Beyond" is a place in space, not an increase in intensity.  Since we have plenty of terms to describe the latter, let's not corrupt "beyond" into one of them.  It amazes me how frequently people want to remove the unique usefulness of a word.

Pushing the Envelope

An example of a phrase that is not only overused, but misused.

The term comes from aviation, specifically from test pilots seeking to describe taking a course of action that exceeds the known safe specification of the hardware.  It means to take a risk by pushing "the envelope of safe performance" which consists of altitude, speed, heat, acceleration, turning radius, and so forth.

In business-speak it means simply to "innovate".  Seems like that's the word that should be used, since it conveys the intended meaning.

Ginormous

Word fusion is fun, yes indeed. But like a bomb of banality in a wordy hurt locker, it's gotta be defused eventually.

It's not as if the English language doesn't have enough words for one thing. If Gigantic and Enormous are old hat, there's also herculean, colossal, cyclopean, elephantine, gargantuan, giant, huge, immense, jumbo, mammoth, massive, monster, monstrous, stupendous, monolithic, titan, tremendous, vast, astronomic, considerable, humongous, mega, monumental, prodigious, sizable, towering, very big, very large, whopping and brobdingnagian.

Brobdingnagian beats Ginormous vowels and consonants down. It's even a bigger word.

Like Herding Cats

This clever phrase evokes dozens of cats being driven like "li'l doggies" across a wide pasture, down dusty trails, fording rivers while meowing low in collective bleat (with most of them straying to sniff things and suddenly lick themselves). And the message is clear. Even the slowest amongst us in the herd get what this phrase means.

But as with so many catch phrases, if it's halfway decent it immediately gets overused and shamelessly co-opted by the media and advertising. So pardners, it's high time to bring the li'l kitties home.

Let's come up with another simile for futile effort, which isn't easy these days. In fact it's like nailing jello to a wall.

Sort of

This has become the preferred "verbal seasoning" of those seeking to appear hip.   It is a completely empty phrase, no more informing than "um" or "ya' know".  Even my beloved Coen brothers are seriously afflicted with this affectation.  For an example:

http://thehollywoodinterview.blogspot.com/2008/02/coen-brothers-hollywood-interview.html

In one page, they use "sort of" 14 times.  In no case did it add any meaning whatsoever.  Remove it everywhere it appears, you have the same interview.

It's sort of annoying.

No-Brainer

This one is self-descriptive.

Like

The word like is not like intended as like a pause or like filler fired at like 4700 rounds per minute from the mouth like a HueyCobra door-mounted Gatling-style verbal minigun upon like a village of hapless scrambling listeners below.

"Like" is useful as an occasional preposition, adjective, conjunction, adverb, noun, or even as an interjection once in a blue moon.

Use as directed.

Going/Go Online

This one is not so much overused as it is misused and rather meaningless.  People generally do not "go online" anymore.  There was a time not so long ago when using the Internet required preparatory action: to dial-up a service provider, get some things done, and then to disconnect.   Many people used their voice lines for their Internet connection, and did not want to tie up the line for long periods of time.

Today, connections are pretty much constant, and rarely is a computer turned on but not connected to the Internet.  Add to this the prevalence of smartphones, iPads, blackberries and the like and it basically means that people do not go online anymore.

They are online.

Think Outside the Box

This phrase was modestly clever at best when it was coined about 12 years ago. It quickly became yet another hackneyed business-speak platitude to toss on the pile.

I say it's time to go back inside the box again.

Go Big or Go Home

Banned for extreme overuse, but also because it reflects the frat-boy, neo-con, all-or-nothing mentality that is ruining this country.  The speaker is essentially saying that winning "big" is the only point of competition, or "if at first you don't succeed, quit and get out of here, loser."

My mental response to this phrase is usually something like "I'll go with any size I choose and I'll go home when I'm damn good and ready.  Shut up, idiot."

Finally, this one bugs me because it is supposed to be demonstrating a totality of commitment, but instead indicates a complete absence of nuanced thought.  Such has not lead to good things in modern America.

I Came Here to Win

This little gem is often uttered by the participant in a contest who wishes to... state the obvious, I guess.

You came here to win?  As opposed to your opponents who came here to what?  Intentionally lose?  The implication seems to be that I came here to win, which is the unusual thing about me that qualifies me as most deserving of the prize.

The truth is, "I came here to win" is a totally empty phrase, uttered in the interview of a contestant who literally has nothing whatsoever to say about the contest.

Handwriting on the wall...

One term that's commonly used in our language is "Handwriting on the wall", yet correctly "Writing on the wall" mostly translated to "knowing about the outcome", or "the decision is made regardless of the fact", related to doom and gloom. Being a curious guy, I wanted to see where this phrase came from. It actually dates back to the book of Daniel, way back when around 170 BC:

King Belshazzar of Babylon during one of his wild drinking parties, takes sacred golden and silver vessels, which had been removed from Solomon's Temple and while using these holy items, the King praises "the gods of gold and silver, brass, iron, wood, and stone."

Immediately, the disembodied fingers of a human hand appear and write on the wall of the royal palace the words "Mene, Mene, Tekel u-Pharsin," loosely translated as Measured, Measured, Weighed and Divided (possibly by by Persians.)

Now regardless of your belief in this stuff, I would say if a couple of fingers appeared in the middle of my living room and started writing on the wall, I would... honestly I don't know what I would do.

Blah blah blah

This is one of the most invasive terms I've encountered.

It is the ultimate expression of malaise. The implication is that there is more to the story being told. You, the listener, are being spared those meaningless details. Then again, if the details are meaningless, why bring them up at all?

"Blah blah blah" is nothing more than a placeholder disguised as a transition from one body of facts to another. If it means something, say what it means. If it means nothing, then say nothing.

At The End Of The Day

I guess the things happening at the end of this phrase, can only, vampirishly, inevitably, emerge after everything else has happened during a very long day. The activities 'during the day' leading up to this outcome are usually not delineated yadda-yadda-yadda-like.  'At The End Of The Week' must be something really inevitable.

My Bad

This is another example of a part of speech, an adjective, turning into a noun, and then being possessed...for no good reason...to mean 'my fault' or 'my mistake'.
I do seem to remember some ethnic phrase "my bad self"?

Main Street vs. Wall Street

This got started with the financial melt-down Bush gifted us with, and the ham-handed attempts to solve it through bailouts and relief programs.  Most pundits note that stock brokers and investment banks did better during the melt-down, financially, than they did before it, while the rest of us lost our homes, jobs, insurance, and life savings.

The phrase is "clever" because of the repeat of the word "street", but it got so very tired so very quickly.

What is meant is "The financial sector vs. the middle class".  Let's say what we mean.

On The Ground

This term has become terribly overused, likely because of the endless hedging the US Government engages in when talking about an exit strategy for Iraq, Afghanistan, and now, Libya.  "It will depend on conditions on the ground".  "This decision will be made by those on the ground."

As opposed to those floating in mid air?

And, especially in Libya, I suspect the conditions in the air might have a lot to do with when we stop, you know, bombing their anti-aircraft installations.

By "on the ground" they mean "in theater" or "in the situation."  They should say so.